Emptying the
Doctor's Waiting Room
A patient goes to the
doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him,
"Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"
Sure, doctor, what can
I do for you, says the patient. "Would you scream in the most
earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage? Try to make it sound as
if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says. "But why, doctor, you've
always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me
any pain?" Asks the patient. "Yes," Says the doctor in a
matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf
course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of
patients."
End
The Dog that
takes you into the Bar
Two men are walking
their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they say to each other
"I'm thirsty." They see a nearby bar and walk up to it. Unfortunately,
there was a sign on the door that said NO DOGS. They thought for
awhile to try to figure out what they should do with no luck.
Suddenly, the man with the doberman said, "I have an idea! Do what I
do." The man put on his sunglasses, walked up to the door and tried to
get in but a big muscular man stopped him. "Where do you think you're
going?" asked the big man. "This is my seeing-eye dog." said the man
hoping for good feedback. "Alrighty mister, go right in." said the big
man. The doberman man walked in. The second man slipped his sunglasses
on and did the same as the first man. "Where are you going?" asked the
big man. "I'm going into the bar, this is my seeing-eye dog." he said.
"A chihuahua?" asked the big man with suspicion. The other man,
playing his part yelled, "They gave me a chihuahua!?"
End
My Boyfriend is
Stuck
He enthusiastically
agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took
off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra
and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and
traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and
lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an
embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was
trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck. "Go to the road
and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!"
she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his
shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he
told her.
So she did as he said
and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a
naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull
him out!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs
replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
(Thanks Madison)
End
A Womans wise
ways of showing love
Lenny walks into the
bar and finds his friend Jim sitting there, looking very depressed.
"Hey, why the long face Jim? What's going on with you," Lenny asks.
"Oh, it's all my wife's doing," replies Jim sadly. "She's hired a new
personal assistant for me." "Well, I don't see anything wrong with
that," Lenny says, "Your wife must really love you to take care of you
like that." "Oh yeah my wife must really love me," says Jim rather
unenthusiastically. "See, I knew it, nothing to worry about. So, is
your new assistant blonde or brunette?"
"He's grey haired with
a beard!"
End
Old Love On A
Date
An old couple who had
not been out on a date in a very long time was spending Saturday
evening at home as usual.As they sat watching TV, the man looked
toward where his wife was sitting and asked in an affectionate tone,
"Do you want to go out, little lady?" Pleasantly surprised the lady
replied without hesitation, "Oh, my, of course I want to, let's go!"
They had a great night out, and toward the end of the evening the lady
turned to her husband and said, "I had a great time, but be honest.
What happened to make you ask me on date after so many years?" Well
dear I have to tell you, I didn't ask you on a date at all. I was
asking our dog Muffin, who was sitting next to your chair, if she
wanted to go for a walk.
End
Puppy Love
Brad had been dating
Elaine for months and had fallen in love with her. After much planning
and hand wringing, he finally managed to screw up his courage long
enough to declare his love and pop the big question. "Being a bachelor
is great," Brad began, "but in every man's life the time comes when he
yearns for the company of another individual, an individual who will
consider him perfect like a hero; an individual who he can treat as
completely his own; who will be caring and true during difficult
times; and who will share in his delights and sorrows." Much to
his joy, Brad saw an understanding look dawning in Elaine's eyes.
Nodding her head in agreement Elaine declared, "What a wonderful idea,
Brad! I just know I can help you find the perfect puppy!"
End
